Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
