I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize