Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
