ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
