Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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