What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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