C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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