He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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