VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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