I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I intend to get homeless drunk
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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