Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
