And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
