I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
