I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
