I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize