twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
