You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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