hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
