I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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