i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
