Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
