my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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