There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
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