I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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