What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
