wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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