I've blown a few things in my day
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I think I sprained my soul last night
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
