Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
