Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
NoShamevember. You game?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
