life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I supernannyed him into submission
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
