remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
