I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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