When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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