He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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