By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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