he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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