I am spending my child support on dildos
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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