why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
