I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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