i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
