I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
