I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
