Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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