You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
