pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
