i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
