i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
