Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
