Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
