So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
