i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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