Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Don't make out with my wife yet
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
