how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
