This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
