i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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