Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
