Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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