I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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