You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
