I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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