you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize