the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
