So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
