if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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