Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
