is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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