I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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