exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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