Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
