Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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