so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
