i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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