she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
