you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
