i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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