Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
