the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
